Frank Zappa Interview

In high-school a friend and I went to see the Mothers of Invention at a small theatre in Pittsburgh's Oakland district (near where the Pirates used to play at old Forbes Field). In a successful ploy to get backstage and meet Frank Zappa we announced that we were reporters for the high-school newspaper. We snagged a bespectacled girl (who actually knew short-hand) and asked if she would transcribe the interview to make it look more authentic. George Duke warned me personally before entering the dressing room:

“This had better be a real interview!“

Zappa: Would you like some malted milk drops?

Wow! Thanks, can we have more than one?

Zappa: No response.

Thank you for talking to us - Great show tonight!

Zappa:Thanks.

Were you trying to resemble Ringo Starr in 200 Motels?

Zappa: Is that supposed to be a humorous question?

Now that sounds like a humorous answer?

Zappa: You can take it any way you want.

How would you characterize the difference between a hole and a bridge?

Zappa: Everything is everything and that's the most philosophical thing you are going to get out of me.

At that point three girls came to the dressing room door and introduced themselves as Rose, Gerry and Mary. It was hard to understand because they were giggling. My friend suggested it was Roger Maris which completely diffused Zappa who thought the reference to the great Yankee slugger was very funny.

Have you ever studied music formerly?

Zappa: No, I used to go to the library after school and read books on orchestration and composition.

How did you like working with Lennon? (I asked, not knowing what a disaster it was for Zappa).

Zappa:(trying to underplay the experience)  I've played with lots of musicians...

Not satisfied, we asked several more Lennon related questions but I don't remember any direct answers, just an unwillingness to talk about the subject.

I love Let's Make The Water Turn Black from one of your early records. I didn't know it was called We're Only in it for the Money at that time which didn't seem to bother Frank however and he became animated and enthused when we mentioned the song. 

Zappa:That was a true story!!

How much drug use is there on the road?

Zappa: I never use drugs.

End Interview, or my memory of it. I was told years later that Frank said he'd given only two interviews to high-school journalists. 

I do remember that nobody including Duke ever kicked us out or even asked us to leave, so it seemed a little awkward when we decided it was time to go and left on our own.

We did take a few more of those malted milk ball drops for the road.